Originally Posted on another of my blogs. Moving everything here.

Original post was dated March 26, 2013

Are you able to pray about it?

At lunch today in community we were talking about spiritual growth and how one can approach another about  that issue, and about praying for people who don't like us or whom we don't like.  Cait reminded us about the above question she has asked in the past, particularly of  those seeking spiritual direction, who were victims of abuse of some kind.

If we are able to pray about our issue, whatever it is, I think there is hope for healing and for growth.  If we are still suffering too much to pray, the suffering can be a kind of prayer, so long as we do whatever work we must do to ensure it will make us stronger and more wise, rather than smaller and more self-centered.  If we let our suffering become our identity, we can get stuck at our current level and be unable to move on, until we get out of our own way again.


My sister and I began a book, but I got stuck.  I have nothing original to say; the only things unique to me are not actually unique in the world, but maybe the way I express myself might help another human being somehow find the hope to keep on keeping on. (Sr. Sheila, if you have made any pictures for our book, send them on to me and I will post them with the relevant posts in this blog.)

So...are you able to pray about it?  If not, just sit still anyhow, for at least three minutes a day, even if you have to pretend it will make a difference.  As time goes on, if you are faithful to this practice, you will find yourself changing, slowly, until you come to look forward to the sitting still.  You will begin to know interior peace, and growing comfort in your own skin.  You may find, if you are of a certain personality type, that you come to need an hour a day of this.  Other types of persons do better with a rosary or with holy reading, or even walking the dog.  The important point is the faithfulness to the practice, and the intention to grow into conscious contact with the God of your understanding. 

Whoever you are, wherever you are, I am praying for you my brothers and sisters to come to know intimately the One who loves us.  Faithfulness to the practice will, I promise you, change you utterly and you will know you are loved and you will find peace. 

What Can We Do?

I don’t recall ever feeling so oppressed by conditions in this country and our dealings with the world as I now feel.  Unless I am very mistaken, our government has decided to go to war in Syria in spite of the will of the people.  If we had any excuse to trust that the government serves anything except the will of multinational corporations, there might be reason to hope.  As it is, I am led to a feeling of helplessness and a kind of free-floating anger.  Who is there to blame?  Is there anything we can do?  Where are we going on this road of endless conflict?

The Old Testament answer from God was, “Where were you when I created the world?” 

The New Testament, however, suggests the new commandment:  “Love one another as I have loved you.”  Christ bids us to love in the face of hatred.  We are to love against all evidence of hopelessness.  We are to love and not rage.  What does that mean in a practical sense?

In my life it takes the form of prayer and generosity with time and resources.  It takes the form of recognition of my poverty – I have no power to change things.  They are beyond my control.  In light of that powerlessness, I find myself called to be peaceful in my heart and in my words and in my actions.  God seems to put in my path the people I am supposed to help and the people who can teach me.  Therefore, my response to chaos is to love, and to remain at peace.

There are those whose vocation it is to fight, and in my youth I fought injustice where and as I could.  In my old age, I must fight injustice with my words and with my prayers, and by loving action.  I weep with those who are suffering and dying in the world.   I pray for those to be called forth who can change the things that must be changed in the world. 

Let us pray for peace.  Let us love one another as Christ loves us, and make enclaves of love wherever we dwell. 

Hey, God!

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.  ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

I have been thinking about gratitude.  I can choose gratitude for my old age rather than complaint.  My mother’s sister had rheumatoid arthritis and no medication to keep her from becoming crippled.  I live in a time and a place and with enough money to purchase medical care and medication to keep me mobile. 

I am not sure what is meant by aging gracefully, but I know about aging gratefully.  I appreciate living in a beautiful forest within a congenial and loving community.  I appreciate having a wonderful daughter and a grandson of whom I am so very proud.  I am grateful for what health I do have.

Most of all, I am grateful for my relationship with God.  Because of it, I am sober today.  I have friends and a host of acquaintances.  I know how to live through hardship and how to laugh with joy.  I know how to say that I’m sorry and how to forgive.

I don’t know how to fix the world’s troubles, but I can and do pray for them when I sit with my Beloved in holy silence.  I am grateful for the confidence I feel that although the world may be facing terrible times, in the end all will be well.  I’ve no idea how, but I am not God and don’t have to know. 

What I do have to do, and I am grateful for the ability to do so, is to love those that God puts in my path and in my heart and to try to give them some inkling of the depth of joy and peace that fills my heart.  As I look back, I can see what a jagged, crooked path I took to finding God.  I regret none of it.  I no longer suffer from it.  I even look forward to eternity with a sense of adventure yet to come.

So, thanks God, for never giving up on me.  Make me ever more grateful, and ever more giving.  Show me your way and give me the power to do your will.  And hey, God, have I told you today that I love you?

Some Thoughts About Love

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

            1 Cor. 13: 4-8

In other words, love is as love does.  Love is an action word.  It concerns itself with the other, not with the self.  When we are a channel of the love of God, we get out of the way and let God love through us.  In so doing, we are changed utterly. 

Loving someone may mean telling them no.  It may mean speaking truth to power.  It may be risky.  But it is our great joy as well.  It is love that keeps us going when we can’t go on.  In the end we realize it is God’s love that is and has been doing that all along. 

This kind of love is not shallow or sentimental.  It is not romantic love as the teenager would have it. It is not even erotic love.  This is the love that is stronger than death.  This is the love that throws itself into the fray with joy knowing that the battle is with powers and principalities, and will cost us everything we are.  Knowing that in dying to self, we are born to joyful life. 

Because he first loved me, I can dance in the rain, laughing at illusory fears.  Because he rescued me, I can leave it all on the field when I pass through the veil, knowing that there too, I will be available to love all in all. 

Don’t believe me?  That’s all right.  Take the actions you would take if you did believe it.  Moment by moment, day by day, you will come to see that the hard work is being done in you by the One who loves us all.  Bit by bit you will realize you have become happy, independent of all the people, places or things around you.  You will know peace.  You will become the change you would like to see in the world.  See you there!

Fear -- False Evidence Appearing Real

In AA, we say that some people die of terminal uniqueness.  They are sure that they are different.  Their story is unique and no one can possibly understand.  I suspect that at the core of this is a feeling that if they let us see who they really are we will not love them.  I trace my recovery from the day I let go of that fear and told someone every bad thing I had ever done.  He looked at me with love in his eyes, welcomed me to the human race, and we began to make my list of all the people I had harmed and prayed for willingness to make amends to them all.  In my case, it was a priest, because I was raised Roman Catholic.  Some people find the courage to tell their story to their sponsor.  Some to a spiritual director or other soul friend.

In order to change the world we must first overcome our fear and change ourselves.  In order to create peace, we must find within ourselves the conscious contact with God that will permit us to have the Peace of Christ.  Some, they say, are born humble, some achieve humility and some have humility thrust upon them.  I was of the third type.  In this context, humility is the awareness of ourselves as we truly are, scars and all, and the peace of heart to be that person in God's hands. 

The conquest of the fear of rejection sets us free from the self-centeredness that plagues us and the whole world.  The promises of AA have come true for me:  I do not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it.  I have a conscious relationship with God as I understand God and I know peace.  I have to work at it every day, because I am not unique.   I am not a saint.  I am a sober drunk who has learned to live in such a way that I have a new happiness and joy.  My peace does not depend on any of the people, places or things around me.  When I am in "fit spiritual condition" I know the holy liberty of the children of God. 

I say all this in case someone should read this one day and be encouraged to find a friend to help them learn to pray and to begin the journey of transformation.  Anyone can do it.  Anyone who can be honest with themselves.  You don't even have to believe in God.  The principles of transformation work anyway.  I have seen it again and again.  Never give up.  Fear is false evidence appearing real.  Don't fall for it.  Reach out and ask for help.