We must develop a deep confidence in God in order to lose
our anxiety over the future. We must
live in the now to avoid “paying dues” of worry about things beyond our
control. Trusting our own wisdom and
planning may satisfy our need for control of our circumstances, but how
realistic is it, and how surrendered is it?
How can we achieve this deep confidence in God? I am not referring to some shallow “Oh, it’ll
be all right” positive thinking practice. I am talking about the kind of
assurance that a child resting in her mother’s arms knows.
How do we order our priorities to facilitate a life of
contentment and confidence in the providence of God? How
should our thinking and our activity differ from those of unbelievers?
Perhaps it begins with putting God first. We should not worship the American idols of
money, property, power, prestige, etc.
We worship the ground of reality, our source, our Beloved. If God is first, all else will fall into
proper place. But how?
Just as when I was first getting sober, I find I must keep
watch on my thoughts, my emotions, and the state of my body. I must not get too hungry, angry, lonely or
tired. If my body is tense, I must take
a walk, or punch a pillow, or yell at God for a while. Simple breathing exercises work best for
me. If I have given my day to God, and
find I have taken it back to worry about something, I take a prayer break. A “red light” should go on for me if I
succumb to worry. My first recourse at
that point has to be to God.
I must do whatever is required of me in my state in
life. I don’t expect God to pay my bills
for me, or magically remove my health problems, or the results of years of
suffering from my own sins. But once I
have done all I can do, I can safely leave the past behind me and the future to
its own devices. I will not be given
tomorrow’s strength today. I will not be
given tomorrow’s peace today. But I will
lose today’s strength and today’s peace if I miss today by dwelling in the past
or future.
Mother Cait talks about balance. This is rare, I think. I strive towards it and try to give myself a
break for not being perfect. I have a
vocation to live out the charism of mercy.
I pray God that I will receive mercy and that I will pass it on. That can only happen right here, right
now. Let me live in the now, Lord, where
You dwell.
I know one thing with certainty: I am my Beloved’s and He is mine!
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