It's good to get older

I am no longer addicted to being the best. Or perfect. Or even always on time. I am no longer convinced that if I dont' do something the world will come to an end. I now know how many people there are who are not only more capable and intelligent, but even more likely to change the world than I am. I no longer need to justify my existence by being "Productive."

I am a "Big Government Liberal" and I no longer cares who knows it. If government does not enforce social justice, self-centeredness, endemic in this culture, will prevent it from ever happening.

I have come to know how many truly good-hearted people there are in the world, contrary to the evidence of my early life. I am getting a little better at not "viewing with alarm" every new thing that occurs which affects my life. LOL!

I am getting a lot better at having fun at my own expense. And at gratitude. And at resting when I need it.

Thanks, God. Love you!

Tired today

I find myself having trouble sleeping through the night lately. I wake three or four times. I am unsure why, so I use the time to pray until I fall asleep, at least until 4:30 or 5:00, when I will just go ahead and get up.
I think of all those who have no faith, and no one to pray for them, and so I do. I think of all those who have no roof or comfortable bed to sleep in where it is safe and warm. And so I pray. My blessings are so rich! I thank God every day for his many gifts to me.

Longing

I have been experiencing a deep longing for the sea for several days. I think it is actually a spiritual longing for God. The sea is very calming to me, even during a storm, as it represents the strength and depth and ferocity of the love of God to me. I will try to go to the seaside this weekend, to satisfy both..

I wanted to be a nun from the time I knew they were women who sought God above all things. I have therefore read most everything written by and about nuns since I could read. I am presently reading "Convent," a novel about a young woman who enters the convent during the 60's and eventually leaves. The curious thing about the novel is that it lacks emotion. It tells, instead of showing - I wonder if there was a lack of a good editor, or whether the author, who has veiled telling her own personal story, cannot bring herself to share her feelings about things. It's written as if by a sociopath, which is a pecular experience! I will continue reading it for the information it contains, but it strikes me deeply that this is a story about someone who was never actually stricken by a deep longing for God. Very strange!

I find myself praying for the author and hoping she has found peace of heart and mind.

Anticipation

In 78 days, I retire from my day job. It looks as if, for a while at least, my new address will be "the cupboard under the stairs," thought I don't anticipate a subsequent trip to Hogwarts. There is a small apartment next to a garage below my daughter's house which I might rent for a bit until my future plans are firmed up. I so look forward to NOT doing litigation work anymore. I could do something else a couple of days a week if I have to, but no more litigation. Yay! I foresee at least some social justice activism in my future. And lots of prayer. God is good!

I stand corrected, somewhat

Well, I was partly wrong...
I don't have a television, so I missed it on the news....
I guess there was rioting and looting for most of the night in Oakland. The people present at the reading of the verdict were not the ones who got involved in that. Rather, it was a bunch of white professional anarchists from out of town, plus a bunch of drunks who were taking the opportunity to say "F*** the police." The very police whom they will complain about for not coming to their bad neighborhood for fear of getting killed. I heard that Kaiser told its nurses to stay home because at 5:00 a.m., there was still trouble downtown.
I really resent this behavior, beacause it gives protest a bad name. Besides, how stupid is it to essentially say, we will no longer be oppressed, and then trash your own city? This is NOT being the change that you want to see in the world. This is just greed and lack of self-control on top of lack of respect for others. May God help us to mature as human beings.

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose

Many long years ago, I was one of those irritating hippie chicks who marched for civil rights and against the Vietnam war. I burned with rage at the oppression I saw in our country, which held itself out as a bastion of freedom. And then....?

Yesterday, after the announcement of the verdict in the trial of a BART policeman for killing a young black man, I had to wonder. Riot police were in place in Oakland before the verdict was announced, when it was already known that the verdict would be either voluntary or involuntary manslaughter. Churches and the governor were calling for calm. Everyone imagined an explosion of rioting. People went home early to get past the expected areas of violence before the announcement.

And then....pft! Sure there was some vandalism and some arrests. But was the expectation of full-scale riots a vestige of racism? I wonder....

Article about a retreat at Merton's hermitage, etc.

http://imagejournal.org/page/journal/articles/issue-12/bodo-essays

This is a pretty good article about a Franciscan on retreat at Merton's hermitage. It reminded me of a conversation I had with one of my bosses, who, on hearing that I was considering retiring to a monastic schedule, more or less permanently, asked me if that wasn't too big a change for "someone like you." I asked him what it meant, someone like me. He said, "Well, you're a people person. You like being around people and they like being around you. You have so much to give." I thanked him and hurried away so I could giggle.
Yeah. Right. (Laughing hysterically now.)
My inner experience is not that of a people person. I would describe myself as a "God person" who manages not to run amok, laying waste to the land, only because I love God more than I am screwed up! AA taught me that there is a God, and I am not it, but if I give myself over to God, I can be relieved of my insanity one day at a time. It taught me that I can be as crazy as I want so long as I don't scare the people around me.
It also taught me that if God permits me to retire from constant interaction, then that will be all right too. I find it so much easier to be alone. I don't get lonely - never have - even in my worst drinking days I didn't get lonely - and now, I sort of like myself, after 35+ years of sobriety and daily prayer and meditation, it's even easier. Silence is not scary to me. It is a treasure!
I feel grateful today for the gift of inner silence.
Sr. Patti

I thank God for family

I was reading my neice's blog today, and giving thanks to God for her and for her gift of writing. She expresses a commitment to praise God even in the midst of darkness. This is very advanced spirituality for one so young, though understandable in one who has suffered. Let me also remember to praise God in all times, places and circumstances as I approach the final day of my official "work life" and seek the next path laid out for me in confidence and trust.
Come, Lord Jesus!
Sr. Patti