Fear -- False Evidence Appearing Real

In AA, we say that some people die of terminal uniqueness.  They are sure that they are different.  Their story is unique and no one can possibly understand.  I suspect that at the core of this is a feeling that if they let us see who they really are we will not love them.  I trace my recovery from the day I let go of that fear and told someone every bad thing I had ever done.  He looked at me with love in his eyes, welcomed me to the human race, and we began to make my list of all the people I had harmed and prayed for willingness to make amends to them all.  In my case, it was a priest, because I was raised Roman Catholic.  Some people find the courage to tell their story to their sponsor.  Some to a spiritual director or other soul friend.

In order to change the world we must first overcome our fear and change ourselves.  In order to create peace, we must find within ourselves the conscious contact with God that will permit us to have the Peace of Christ.  Some, they say, are born humble, some achieve humility and some have humility thrust upon them.  I was of the third type.  In this context, humility is the awareness of ourselves as we truly are, scars and all, and the peace of heart to be that person in God's hands. 

The conquest of the fear of rejection sets us free from the self-centeredness that plagues us and the whole world.  The promises of AA have come true for me:  I do not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it.  I have a conscious relationship with God as I understand God and I know peace.  I have to work at it every day, because I am not unique.   I am not a saint.  I am a sober drunk who has learned to live in such a way that I have a new happiness and joy.  My peace does not depend on any of the people, places or things around me.  When I am in "fit spiritual condition" I know the holy liberty of the children of God. 

I say all this in case someone should read this one day and be encouraged to find a friend to help them learn to pray and to begin the journey of transformation.  Anyone can do it.  Anyone who can be honest with themselves.  You don't even have to believe in God.  The principles of transformation work anyway.  I have seen it again and again.  Never give up.  Fear is false evidence appearing real.  Don't fall for it.  Reach out and ask for help.